Principles for Individuals, Couples and Families

As a counselor to individuals, couples, families, and children, I find it satisfying to be able to together with clients discover sound and at times even simple solutions to relational and/or behavioral problems that initially may appear to be complex and difficult to resolve. A model called, "The Parenting Pyramid" presented by The Arbinger Company makes a lot of sense to me. Here's a summary of what the pyramid tells us as it applies to families, though it can be generalized to groups or organizations far beyond the family. Here is how it goes:

1. Although correction is a part of parenthood, IT IS THE SMALLEST PART.

2. The key to effective correction is effective teaching.

3. The key to effective teaching is a good parent/child relationship.

4. The key to a good parent/child relationship is a good husband/wife relationship.

5. The key to a good husband/wife relationship is our personal way of being. Indeed, this quality affects every other aspect of the pyramid; that is why it is the deepest foundation.

When we are wanting to address a concern at any level of the pyramid, it becomes vital that we consider how effectively we are performing in everything that lies below that level and address those matters first or at least simultaneously with the concerns at hand.

I love being given opportunity to apply principles such as this to guide individuals, couples, and families in resolving challenges efficiently, effectively, and with much satisfaction. I can be reached at 801-815-6152 to schedule and appointment.

Michael Van Dam, LCSW

Resilient Solutions, Inc.

Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion.  It can feel so intense that it creates a sense of being emotionally paralyzed.

The following are quotes about fear that can be inspiring and motivate change.

          “Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty.  To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

Bertrand Russell

          “Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.”

Karl Augustus Menninger

          “ You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

          “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”

Helen Keller

If you have any questions or want to schedule an appointment please contact Lisa Bradford, LCSW at 801-660-8441

Summer Evening Adult Grief Group

Out of loss can come hope, not from forgetting or letting go of love, but through sharing with others.

Our next 8-week Summer Grief Group will begin Tuesday, July 10th

5:30 - 6:45 PM at Resilient Solutions, Inc., 1355 N. Main, Ste.1, in Bountiful.

Join with others who are experiencing the loss of a loved one.

(8-weeks, $120)

To register for this group or to meet with a therapist specializing in grief/loss, contact Melanie Holt, LAPC, 801.718.9840.

Managing Anger

All people experience anger during their lifetime.  Anger is an intense emotion that if left unresolved, can contribute to negative choices of behavior.  The good thing is that anger can be managed with some basic skills.   In Harriet G. Lerner’s book “The Dance of Anger”, she provides some suggestions on what to do and what not to do when angry.  The following are some of her suggestions:

1)   “Do Speak in “I” Language. Learn to say, “I think…,” “I feel…,”  “I fear…,” “I want…”  A true “I” statement says something about the self without criticizing or blaming the other person and without holding the other person responsible for our feelings or reactions….”

2)   “Do try to appreciate the fact that people are different. We move away from fused relationships when we recognize that there are as many ways of seeing the world, as there are different people in it.  Different perspectives and ways of reacting do not necessarily mean that one person is ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong.’ “

3)   “Don’t strike while the iron is hot. A good fight will clear the air in some relationships.  But if your goal is to change a bad pattern, the worst time to speak up may be when you are feeling angry or intense.  If your fires start rising in the middle of a conversation, you can always say, “I need a little time to sort my thoughts out. Lets set up another time to talk about it more.” Seeking temporary distance is not the same as cold withdrawal of an emotional cutoff.”

4)   “Don’t make vague requests.  Let the other person know specifically what you want. Don’t expect people to anticipate your needs or do things that you have not requested. Even those who love you cannot read your mind.

 With these basic skills we can better manage anger and have relationships with less conflict. 

If you have any questions or want to make an appointment, please contact Lisa Bradford, LCSW,  at 801-660-8441.

Teen Self-esteem Group

8-week group to increase self-esteem.  Topics will include:  self-nurturing, stress management, boundary setting, trust issues, and relationship skills.

Starts June 25th from 1:30 - 3:00 PM

Location:  Resilient Solutions, Inc, 1355 N. Main, Ste 1, Bountiful, Utah

Contact Lisa Bradford, LCSW, with any questions and to register at 801.660.8441.